Dream Big Part 2: How to Keep Resolutions

photo by Carla D

Okay, so you now have had AMPLE time to come up with some incredible resolutions.  I hope you dreamed your very biggest.  Now you are set to take on the next challenge:  actually keeping them.  Here are some nice little tips to help you stay motivated:

Keep Your Resolutions in Sight.  You cannot keep a goal that you don't remember making.  Out of sight, out of mind.  The way to remedy this problem is to write your goals down in a place where you will see them daily.  This could be a list on the back of your front door.  It could be written in lipstick on your bathroom mirror.  It could be embroidered on your pillowcase so you see it FIRST THING when you wake up.  Be creative, but be visible!!!

Break it Down into SmallER Pieces. I told you to break your big goals into small pieces- excellent!  Now, you may need to go even smaller.  Say,for example, your goal is to sing every day.This may seem obnoxious after awhile, when television starts looking better and better, or when your throat is really sore.  So, break it down:  I will sing ONE song every day.  This is not a difficult task, one song could take less than a minute.  The trick is that starting is often the hardest part, so be easy on yourself, tell yourself you can quit after one song, and more often than not you will continue singing much longer.  However, if you don't want to continue singing, you don't have to.  Small progress is better than no progress.

Be Specific.  So, you are going to work out every day.  Where are you going to work out?  How long are you going to do it?  What time will you go?  What exercises will you do?  Will you do it with anyone else?  Will you do the same work out every day?  If you don't answer these questions now, it will be easier to not do it later. You might even need to get more specific than that, such as what clothes will I wear? How often will I wash them? What time will I wash them? Believe me, it is easy to self-sabotage, so don't give yourself any chances.

Give Yourself Rewards.  While often the reward of conquering your desired goal is enough, often it isn't.  Sometimes the rewards take awhile to show up, and this can become very discouraging (case in point: looking for a new job.  The new job will feel great once you get it, but it might take hundreds of applications and dozens of interviews to get there).  So, start a reward system for yourself.  Think of ways you love to indulge yourself.  These can be either possessions or activities.  I, for example, am hankering to get my hands on my library books (Bill Bryson!).  However, it has been much too long since I last posted on this blog.  So, my reward is that I will allow myself time to read once I am done with my task, but NOT before then.  Believe me, I jumped on this computer fast as a kangaroo.  If you give yourself small rewards along the way, the task is much easier to complete.

I hope speaking so much of logistics hasn't been discouraging.  Don't let problem-solving overwhelm you: these are tips to complete the goals you REALLY want to have happen.  If you start doing something and really hate it, QUIT.  There is no sense in continuing self-torture.  Do the things you love, or at least the things that will get you toward the things you love, and have the best freaking year of your life!

Eliza

Dear Christina

this post is written by a good friend and brilliant woman.  She will be a regular contributor to Howling Girl.  In light of tragic circumstances, I don't think there has been a more important piece written.

Dear Christina Green,

Were it not for the tragic events in Tuscon last Saturday your name would not evoke such a strong response. I only know the vaguest details of your life: that you sang in choir at St. Odilia Roman Catholic Church, you were nine-years-old, and dreamed of becoming a veterinarian and attending a big school back east like New York University. I read you were an A student and were interested in politics.

Christina, I don’t know you, and devastatingly, I never will in this life, but you remind me a lot of me.

My favorite part of church has always been the singing. I always dreamed about attending NYU, tried to be an A student, and also am interested in politics. I got to attend grad school at NYU, although I studied Italian rather than veterinary science.

Christina, I can only imagine the great things you would have been capable of. But I take great solace and hope in your too-short biography and life. You truly seem like a young woman possessed of the knowledge that within her grasp is the ability to change the world.

The last thing I want to do is to make you into some sort of political symbol, but you give me great faith in the girls of this nation. I am sure that there are many girls that involve themselves in civic affairs and strive to participate in their communities and learn all they can that they may brighten their world. I don’t know all those girls’ names. But I know yours. I thank you for the passion you showed for life and learning and fervently pray for your family. You inspire me, and I hope to live my life more purposefully and with greater gratitude for you.

Sincerely,

Roni

Dream Big Part 1: Setting Resolutions

Here we are, coming up to the middle of January (already?), and I have a feeling that most of us have already given up on our New Year's Resolutions.  How does this happen?  Didn't we start out with the best intentions, feeling all golden and hopeful about what was to come?  What we thought was going to be the best year of our lives, full of intrigue and happiness and heaps of success, has now turned into day after day of Kate Plus Eight marathons (I truly hope this is not the case for any of you, dear girls.  That situation seems almost TOO dire).

Friends, have hope.  It is not too late.  Yes, we might already be scrapping our resolutions, but now is the perfect time to make new ones.  This can be your year.  Your wildest dreams can come true.  You can make it happen.  But first, we must figure out what resolutions we want to make.  Resolving to do things we don't really desire will never get as ahead.  Here are a few tips to making resolutions you actually believe in, and goals that will actually stick.

Think in ADJECTIVES.  When we make resolutions, it is easy to think in terms of accomplishments: I want to lose weight, write a book, bake the largest cake in Wisconsin.  These can be great goals, goals that will change our lives and give us peace and happiness.  However, sometimes they can leave us dissatisfied.  Yes, I lost weight, but I still hate my body.  Yes, I wrote a book, but it is unpublished and collecting dust on my shelf.  Yes, I baked that hella big cake, but now I am out of flour.

Here is a good exercise recommended by Martha Beck to help you set satisfying goals: First, think of a goal you wish to accomplish.  Lets say, read all of the Pulitzer Prize-winning novels.  Now, think about what feelings you hope to have by achieving this goal.  Continuing our example, reading the Pulitzer Prize-winning novels will make me feel well-read and interesting, therefore I will have more to talk about at parties.  Now, think of these adjectives (well-read and interesting), and think of all the things in your life that make you feel this way: reading the newspaper, attending art shows, talking about books with other people.  Now think about how you can incorporate those activities into your life more.  Now you have something to really work with: maybe you want to start a book club, or read the paper daily, or go to the gallery stroll in your local town every month.

My biggest tip?  Actually follow through with this exercise.  Really try and find the adjectives.  Really look at what in your life gives you those feelings.  I promise, it will be well worth it, and your goals will actually bring you closer to the life you wish to create.

Aim for the Stars.  Baby, this is your life.  No one is going to live it but you.  Every day is your opportunity, don't waste it with a life you aren't in love with.  Imagine your fantasy life, the one you long for the most, and now set the goals to get there.  You are never too young, too poor, too boring, too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too busy, too ANYTHING to make your dreams come true.  It's up to you, don't let yourself down.  Dream big, and then (most important thing) WRITE IT DOWN.  Hang on to those dreams. Many have done it before you, and you can be a part of their legacy.  Don't sell yourself short.  You can be a famous painter, an award-winning actress, President of the United States.  You can cure cancer, dance in Swan Lake, sail around the world in your hand-crafted yacht.  I believe it, only because I know that everyone who has lived their dreams has sat exactly where you are now.  You are next in line.

Break it Down into Pieces. Okay, so you have set the big goals, the goals that will change your life.  You have decided to make it your pledge to one day sing on Broadway.  This, when thrust out into the world on it's own, is a daunting task. So break into pieces.  First, practice singing every day.  Then, try out for the school play.  Maybe audition for an even bigger play in your town.  Practice memorizing lines.  There are a millions things to be done before ever getting onto Broadway, so start now with the ones you can do.  Feel the accomplishment in performing these smaller tasks, knowing they are leading you to your dearest dream.

Make Daily Resolutions.  I read this interesting piece by Wayne Dyer.  In it he talks about living in the present, not in the past or future, so instead of making a resolution for the entire year, make your resolutions each and every day.  How will I use this time to achieve my goals and enjoy the present?  Don't be intimidated by the intensity of a year-long commitment.  Only commit to today, the only day you know you have.  Do what feels important to you now, not what you want to be important to you some day.  Resolve each day to do the things that make you feel satisfied.

I hope we don't let the pressure of New Year's Resolutions bog us down.  You are capable of anything.  I believe in you.  Make goals that make you happy, not ones that make you feel like a failure, or that you are afraid to do.  Make 2011 the best year of your life.

-eliza

Welcome

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power.  You just take it. 
~Roseanne Barr

Hello, and welcome to Howling Girl.  This is a space specifically designed for power, enlightenment, and positive energy.  This space recognizes the strength, courage, creativity, and tenacity of teenage girls (and women of all ages, for that matter).  Howling Girl came as a direct retaliation to a society that likes to tell you that teenage girls are shallow, boring, obnoxious creatures whose only concerns are popularity and consumerism.  I am hear to tell you, they are wrong.

Years ago, when I was still a teenage girl, I was driving in the car one day and heard a story on the radio.  The story told about a cable channel that was specifically created for women, with a game show for teenage girls.  The game show was created to support the truthful nature of girls: they are smart, competitive beings with a voice of their own.  However, through a series of mis-steps and a lack of faith, the game show became like all other media and portrayed girls as vapid, boy-crazy fools.
The moral of the story, as the reporter put it, is that sometimes you want to make something great that really just isn't.  As they put it, you want to show girls as being smart and powerful, but really they're just not.

While this was many years ago, I still remember the force of my outrage.  I was livid.  Here we were again, the media telling everybody, including all the girls listening, that they were worthless.  Girls should just give up already, it said, since everyone knows how pointless an entity they are.  Another pound had been added on the scale against teenage women.  
For there are many pounds against you.  There are magazines, books, clothing lines, makeup industries, sports teams, parents, peers, teachers, a whole SOCIETY telling you who you are and what you care about.  And honestly, they don't think much of you.  
I knew then and there that I was tired of this barrage against girls.  I knew the true nature of girls (after all, I was one of them) and I knew what we are capable of.  I knew the possibilities awaiting us, and I knew (even if I couldn't quite believe it about myself) that we are one of the most powerful and capable groups on this planet.   I resolved that day that I would create media, in any way that I could, that would support real girls, that would help them become the greatest form of themselves, and that would show them a path to amazing womanhood. 
Then, time passed.  My resolve started to wain.  I still wanted to do all the things I had decided that day that I could do, but I was scared.  I shrank down into the being I was told to be, and I consumed instead of created.  I let my voice ring out only as far as my ribcage.  I settled.

But, the great lesson of life, and one we often like to forget, is that time moves forward, and opportunities are always present.  It is never too late to do anything.  It may have taken me a couple of years, but here I am, creating my dream.  With the support of good friends, I have found the courage and the resolve.  Without them, it never would have happened.
Here it is, January 1, 2011, and here is my New Year's Resolution: to create Howling Girl, media for the modern girl.  Not propaganda, not advertising, not faux-support while really pushing you back down, but an honest resource for girls to become AMAZING! 
I plan on Howling Girl bringing you a variety of information.  Some of it will be personal, some of it global, some of it fun, some of it deathly serious, some of it informative, some of it entertaining, but all of it positive, useful, and true.  Because I believe in you.  I really do.  I believe you are magnificent.  I believe you are smart, savvy, and fascinating.  I believe you are curious, hopeful, and above all, POWERFUL.

I cannot do this alone.  I will need your help and support.  I will need your comments as well as your contributions.  I will need your questions and insights.  I cannot do this alone, but I am finally doing it.  Because, after all, nobody gives us power.  We just take it.

-eliza